Before I received Christ, I lived my life striving for the approval of others. Constantly seeking to be the center of attention, whether from my family or my peers, I wanted to be liked and praised, and if I failed to do so, I had a really hard time forgiving myself. I thrived on compliments. I was full of pride, discontentment, and vanity.
My security and happiness came from my relationships with people. Up until 7th grade, the friends I hung out with didn’t treat me very well, but I still would have done anything for their approval. They were “cool”. I never stood up for myself, and instead let them pick on me all they wanted. Although I felt unhappy, I thought that as long as I held that position in the group, they’d still want to hang out with me.
It wasn’t until part way through 7th grade that I came to my senses and realized that my “friends” weren’t really friends. I met a girl in industrial tech class (hee hee) who loved Jesus, and even though I previously did as well, something finally clicked. About the same time, I began going to youth group at my church and through it, the Lord changed my heart and my life. First, I realized that real relationships revolved around love, but then, I realized that human relationships would never satisfy me.
Initially, I received Christ as a second grader in my Sunday school class. My teacher was telling us about the love of Jesus and asked if anyone wanted to have a personal relationship with him. I raised my hand, we prayed together, and I received Christ. Being raised in a Christian home, I had first heard about Christ’s love as a pre-schooler, but I would say that the actual turning point in my life (where I really came to an understanding of Christ’s love and forgiveness and began striving to live for him) was when I began seeking new friends and attending youth group in 7th grade.
Before I recommitted my life to Christ, I was completely conforming to the powers of this world. Doing everything to fit in and please someone, being engulfed by the vanity of this society, and constantly seeking attention and compliments. Life was always about me. When I began to learn more about Jesus, he began to turn my life around. Finally, every day was not just one to get through without making a fool of myself, but became about serving others and loving them with Christ’s love. My fulfillment started coming less and less from human relationships, and became more and more reliant on the Lord.
Since then, I still suck just as bad as ever. I fail miserably at loving Jesus and others the way that I long to. But now I know that Jesus still loves me, and that my life is not about me anyway. It’s about Christ.
After my turning point in 7th grade, I began seeking Jesus with my life. Rather than trying to fit in and be super cool, I began writing friends encouraging notes with Bible verses before their sports games. Instead of stupid magazines, I began reading my Bible each day because I wanted to learn more. I began inviting my old friends who I’d harbored resentment against to come to youth group with me. I began telling friends and teammates about the Gospel and how badly Jesus desires to have a relationship with us. Jesus began opening my eyes up to how desperately myself and others need him.
All throughout high school and through many life experiences, Jesus has continued to capture my heart and has caused me to fall more and more in love with him, and I have learned to become more and more reliant on his grace and mercy. Whether it was struggles with vanity and body image, or finding fulfillment in earthly acknowledgment and approval, the struggles still came, but I had Jesus to cry out to and his love never fails.
Now, I am motivated to love others. In the Bible, Jesus says we must love God and love each other. I’ve gone on several missions trips over the past few years, and each time, the Lord has opened my eyes up to the need of this world to experience Christ and his truth.
Last summer, I had an experience that the Lord used to change my heart immensely. The doctor found a tumor on my lower back. It was a type of skin cancer that grows under the skin, but was showing characteristics of two main types. In one, the cancer tended to be confined to the tissue right around the tumor, but in the other, the info said chemo and radiation would need to happen, and there was only a three year life expectancy… and I’d had this bump for a couple years. Upon hearing this news, I went home and cried. Amazingly though, I was not too afraid. I felt a rush of peace that could only have come from Jesus. I was scheduled for surgery, the main goal of the which was to remove tissue and hopefully get out all the cancer cells. In the meantime, I had a week or two to wait for results. Also in the meantime, I was on prayer chains for at least three churches in my hometown, and people I didn’t even know were fasting and praying for me.
As I waited, I did a lot of thinking and praying and reading my Bible and realized this: Life on earth is very short. Who am I living for? Jesus used this time in my life to show me what is important in this life: serving him and showing him to others. Christ put in me a joy for life that could only come from himself, and I am no longer motivated or satisfied by earthly relationships, but only by Jesus Christ. I now long to serve and follow him and him alone. The results of my surgery were that the cancer was gone. I am confident that it is because of prayer, because the doctor said that if I hadn’t gotten the surgery when I did, I pretty much would’ve been screwed because the cancer cells were beginning to multiply and spread like crazy.
I now believe that Jesus has placed us on this earth with a purpose in mind, to love, serve, and reconcile people to him, and that we should not neglect that, but embrace it and embrace the passions he’s put in our hearts.
I no longer want to leave a legacy for myself or “figure out who I am”.
I am a child of God, and I want only Jesus to be remembered.
My name is Jake and I grew up in Rolla, ND, a town just twenty minutes from the Canadian border. My family was pretty regular. I had a mom, dad, and two younger brothers. I grew up going to church, whether I wanted to or not. The whole family would wake up Sunday morning and head out to a good old Sunday morning worship service. Sure, I believed in God. I believed that Jesus was real. I believed that Jesus was God.
Throughout most of my early life, my dad had cancer. His initial diagnosis, when I was about 5 years old, was that he did not have more than 3 months to live. Seven years later, when I was twelve, God took him from us. It was a tough situation, but my family and I had known he would die from cancer at some point in his life, so we were prepared for it. My father was a God-loving man and really a great man in general.
I made it through elementary school, but it was not easy. I was the guy that was picked on for being too skinny. It’s funny, looking back now, that I was actually bothered by this. Now everyone is trying to be as skinny as possible.
When my dad died, I realized who were my real friends and who were not. Those days following his death, everyone was nice to me. I knew deep inside that it was because of my dad’s death that they were doing this, and that it would change back to normal in a few weeks. I was right. At that point, I decided that I was not going to let it bother me and that I was going to stick with my REAL friends.
I was the typical high school guy, but at the same time I was not. I was in basketball, football, and track, but really was not as obsessed with sports as my friends. Actually, I would have had rather played video games than ever go to practice. Thinking back on it, I’m glad I had something else to do besides just play video games.
My high school friends all attended a church of some sort. The problem was that I was the only one that thought the teachings from the Bible should actually be upheld on a daily basis. Don’t get me wrong, I broke almost every single one of them by the time I graduated. But my point was that I believed in the Bible’s teachings. I once related my Christian beliefs to another friend who was attending a different church. She responded saying “I’m not Christian, I’m Catholic!” At that point, I realized that not everyone understood what being Christian meant. And neither did I.
Throughout high school there was rarely a time when I was not dating someone. I was the “whipped” guy. I never took into account the importance of dating someone who believed in my God. For some reason, God just was not a huge part of my life. I graduated Rolla High School with a class of just 34 in 2008. I decided to continue my education at North Dakota State University taking up Computer Engineering. I was definitely a nerd at that point in my life. I knew what I wanted, I knew what I enjoyed, and I had no idea how much of God I was missing.
When I went off to college, I was still dating my girlfriend of over one year. I was really excited to start this new college life. I decided to room with a friend I met over the summer. I had no idea that my new roommate did not believe in any god whatsoever. That was my first mistake in a chain of really bad decisions. The first week of college I was so excited to be out on my own. I was so excited I forgot to spend time talking to my old friends, family, and specifically my girlfriend. While I was out selfishly enjoying myself in my new found college life, my girlfriend was back at home missing me more than I could have ever known. She tried not to interfere with my fun for that week. I completely ignored her.
I did worse than that. I went out that week and cheated on her with some other girl that meant nothing to me in my life. That was the worst thing I have ever done to anyone in my life. The worst.
After my week and a half of the worst decisions in my life, it all hit me. My girlfriend called crying and missing me so much because I had hardly communicated with her. I sat on the phone thinking of how in the world I could ever tell her what I did to her. I sunk to one of the lowest points in my life that next month. I could not tell her. I reasoned in my mind that, if I ignored it for now and told her in a couple months, it would give me time to show her I just really really screwed up and that I changed.
A couple months went by. And in those months, I began to learn who God was. God showed himself to me. He showed me friends that were Christians. Before that point, I was hanging out with people that had absolutely no interest in who God and Jesus were. None at all. God showed me those friends, and showed me ways to learn more about him. I began to attend CRU on a weekly basis, then Chi Alpha (Christian organizations at NDSU). I joined a Bible study. I did not realize it at the time, but God was surrounding me with His comfort. Christians. Brotherhood.
Those months I lived a lie to my girlfriend and never told her what happened. I knew I had to get if off my chest. To make a very long story short, I told her one night, on the phone, because I was not able to go home at that point and it just came out. I can not explain the agony she went through for those next weeks. She could not talk to me. She could not even go to school like a regular person. It hit her harder than I could have ever imagined. And my whole idea that it would be better to wait backfired. That night, when she hung up the phone, I was at a new low. Even getting it all off my chest did not help. It made me sink lower. That is when God showed Himself to me more prominently than ever before. I did not know what to do after the call so I grabbed my Bible and just fell on the ground and opened it. Just opened it. To a random page. Somehow, that random page that opened was a verse that defined exactly what had happened to me and that I did wrong. Exactly. God turned to that page for me. To show me that I must learn from my mistakes. To turn from sin. The verse was Proverbs 7. The title said it all.
Warning Against the Adulteress
1 My son, keep my words and store up my commands within you.
2 Keep my commands and you will live; guard my teachings as the apple of your eye.
3 Bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call understanding your kinsman;
5 they will keep you from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words.
6 At the window of my house I looked out through the lattice.
7 I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men, a youth who lacked judgment.
8 He was going down the street near her corner, walking along in the direction of her house
9 at twilight, as the day was fading, as the dark of night set in.
10 Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent.
11 (She is loud and defiant, her feet never stay at home;
12 now in the street, now in the squares, at every corner she lurks.)
13 She took hold of him and kissed him and with a brazen face she said:
14 “I have fellowship offerings at home; today I fulfilled my vows.
15 So I came out to meet you; I looked for you and have found you!
16 I have covered my bed with colored linens from Egypt.
17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.
18 Come, let’s drink deep of love till morning; let’s enjoy ourselves with love!
19 My husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey.
20 He took his purse filled with money and will not be home till full moon.”
21 With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk.
22 All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose
23 till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life.
24 Now then, my sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say.
25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways or stray into her paths.
26 Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng.
27 Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death.
I did not turn a page or two. I just opened my Bible and that is what was in front of me. At that point in my life, my belief in God changed. At the lowest, most pathetic time in my life, He was still there. He showed me He was there. Right in my dorm room with me. To keep this story short, that girl forgave me for what I did. I still cannot believe she did. I would never have done the same for someone else at that point. But she did. That relationship did not work out. I thanked God for showing me His power and forgiveness. I was getting closer to God than I had ever been.
This is where I am now. I am learning as much as I can about Jesus and his life on earth. I’m reading more than I ever have before. I learn every day. The more I read, the more I want to understand who God really is. The more I want to become closer to him. All of the experiences in my life have led up to this point. I am going through the most important part of my life in faith right now. I am learning how to praise God for everything He does in my life. I am learning to turn from the sins I committed. I am learning that if I place everything in His hands, He will provide. Just recently I learned how to allow the Holy Spirit to work in my life. The day after I told God that he can guide my life however He so chooses, I received a job offer for the summer that I accepted and now my summer plans are not so cloudy. I have learned that if you can just place God first before everything else, that “everything else” takes care of itself and you thoroughly enjoy life!
How many coincidences do we have to see before we realize that it isn’t just coincidence? How many times do our prayers have to be answered before we notice?
I grew up in a Christian family. Going to church, praying and worshiping were just habits for me back then. They were just things that I did because everyone else in my group did them to fit in. They were my ticket into the kind of normal life. Most of the time I didn’t even think about God or what he was really doing in my life. Most of the time my thoughts were focused on me. What was I doing, how did I effect other people, how did other people effect me and so on. I was so caught up in myself that I barely even noticed the once human, ever loving God, beside me, always guiding me and protecting me.
When I was five years old, I was diagnosed with diabetes. Ever since then, life has been a struggle. Often I try to hide how much of a struggle it is by saying the old brush off comments like: “its no big deal”, “I can handle it” or “I’m fine”. But I really am not, not without God. As you might know, diabetes is a very complicated disease. I have to constantly monitor my blood sugar, which varies greatly during the day, and regulate it with insulin and sugars. Over exercising, eating too much, sleeping in too late and giving myself too much insulin are daily threats to my life. I have had countless encounters with death but every time God is there, holding my hand, whispering in my ear that I may not leave this world quite yet. In my head, I kind of imagine me and God on a constant IM or an ongoing skype message where he can see me always but I can only hear him. His webcam just doesn’t quite work yet. In hearing him I am not claiming at all that God speaks to me directly. That would be awesome, but God does speak to me in many ways. I have found that prayer is the strongest form of communication between God and I.
Jesus, God’s only son is the computer, the webcam, the vessel, which connects me to God. Isn’t it amazing to think that God loved us so much that he sent his only son, Jesus Christ, to the earth to have people like you and me persecute him, torture him and hang him up on a cross to die? Jesus Christ, the ever loving, wise and wonderful son of God, died on the cross for you and me, so that our sins could be forgiven and that we could join him up in heaven after we leave our life on Earth. Jesus Christ is our path to God. All we need to do is believe in him and we can be with him in heaven forever!
You might find this to be reaching out a bit and some people may say that I am seeing what I want to see, but I know that my prayers are answered everyday. God is always with me. In school, health, with my friends, on the road, at my job etc. if I am stressed out about lab reports or homework assignments that are due I just ask God for patience and grace so that I may finish the assignment and I can. Sometimes I even find out that a class is canceled or the assignment has been pushed back. When my friends are having struggles in school, health, or relationships, I ask God to heal them, give them strength and grace to get through it and they are fine after a while. The great thing about the wonders of God is that it really does make you wonder. Sometimes you can’t always pin his deeds on him. He never takes credit or shows that he had anything to do with it. God is not proud. He does not need to prove that he loves you. He just does. That is why you never know if it was really God who saved you from a diabetic coma, who helped relieve your stress, who showed his love for you through the beauty of a sunset, who held you and cried with you when your grandma died and gave you strength to stand back up when you fell down. This is our father. Through faith I know that he is with me. His grace, his strength and his ultimate, unchanging, never failing love sustains me.
This is one of those times when it may not seem like a hard thing to do, but this is the first time I’ve really decided to actually open up about what I’ve done in my life that’s led me to God. (So basically this is really hard for me.) One thing I have learned through the people I’ve met is that confession is good for the soul, and as Christians we need to accept what we’ve done and repent of our sins.
I remember in third grade was when I accepted Christ into my heart. My friend and I were having a sleep over and he helped me accept Christ. Honestly I had no idea, though, what had happened. I knew who Jesus was and what he had done, and how he died on the cross for our sins. But I really didn’t know what that meant for me. I attended church regularly with my family; went to Sunday school and all that stuff. I considered myself a Christian but was never really connected with God in any sort of way.
I went on like this all through elementary and junior high. I was a Christian but not following God. In essence I wasn’t really a Christian I guess. During my junior high years, my family went through a big change had it’s own problems. At one point my father had an affair with another woman. I can still remember that day so well. My mom was obviously crushed and my dad was in constant sorrow and grief over what he had done. When he told my sister and me what he had done, my sister ran off to her room crying. I had a couple tears, but I was naive and really didn’t know what to feel and how to act. After a couple of hard years my parents were able to keep their marriage and are very happy know. I now understand what my dad had done, and I am grateful for his devotion to keep my mom and him together. Although this was a hard struggle, it made them stronger (and I’m eluding to how wonderful they are later).
Anyway, I got into high school and still really hadn’t found God. I was really lost. My sister actually helped me get back on track and got me back to church. I started getting involved with youth group a lot and was attending all the events we had going on. I began to worship God with others and it was a great time. However I still hadn’t found what it was God wanted from me. At the time, I thought I was going along with God’s plan, but now I know I was just “goin’ with the flow” of what everyone else was doing.
As I continued through high school I started to change physically and mentally. I began to interact with people more (I used to be really shy). I would hang out after school with friends and really started to branch out. I was having a good time. I was perceived as a quiet, simple, and good-natured guy. Didn’t do anything wrong and always followed rules. But I was actually breaking some rules and those were the rules that God had laid out.
This is one of those things that is hard to confess because of 1) how embarrassing it is and 2) it made me feel scared of being criticized. To sum it up though and just to get to the point, I have had a struggle with purity. It was something that I let take over my life. I had no idea what was going on, but it was something that I would not just stop. I got to a point in my life where I was confused with why I was doing this. It made me feel like crap and an idiot. I was so ashamed. I kept asking God for forgiveness but I was taking advantage of God. I was so disgusted with myself.
Throughout this whole entire struggle though, God never gave up on me. He was always there for me. I couldn’t comprehend why he stayed with me. It made no sense. But that’s why he’s so great. He wasn’t happy that I was sinning, but he still stayed with me and forgave me.
The summer of 2009 came and it was going to be a big summer. Both my brother and sister were getting married. I got to be a part of both weddings and it was fantastic. My brother had his wedding in Iowa, and we stayed at my grandparents home while we were there. Anyway, every summer as a kid I would get to come to visit my grandparents in Iowa for about two weeks. And every time I had to leave I was sad. But as my dad and I were leaving after the wedding something came over me. Not once as a child did I cry about having to leave my grandparents home, but when my dad asked me how I was feeling as we drove off I started to crying my eyes out. I was so happy that I couldn’t contain myself. My family was growing quicker than I could think. It felt so good. At that point I felt like I needed to get my life in order.
Getting back home was a wonderful feeling but getting back to school felt even better. I had been to Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) in the past couple years but I never took the time to go and meet new people. But this year, the very first night I went, I met so many new people. That night God introduced a couple of guys to me that really made me feel at home. They opened up their lives to me and showed me the compassion that God had given them. Meeting them was probably one of the turning points in my life.
Over Christmas break, I had a bit of a struggle with what I was doing. I let Satan take control of my life for a little. HOWEVER, as school was getting closer and closer, I began to desire the love God had given me more and more. I wanted to be closer to God and wanted to get to know him more. And when I got back to Cru, I felt back at home again. God overcame me with his love, and now I am doing all I can to learn more about God’s grace and his unending love for us.
So now I say this. Cru has been the best influence on my life hands-down. I couldn’t be happier with all the people I’ve met and gotten to know. I thank you all for your kindness and comfort that you showed me. I love you all.
God bless you,
Kurt
I have always known of God. I knew who he was, I knew the stories, I knew he loved me, but I never understood how that was suppose to affect my life.
Before I truly accepted Christ, I was afraid of everything-way more than you can imagine. I spent too much of my high school life at home because I was afraid of the dumbest things: crowds, overwhelmingly large spaces, tight spaces, new people, loud noises, face paces, places with no easy exit, basically any situation where I could not be in control. My worst fear was the telephone, if I had to call someone I would pace back and forth and replay different possible conversations in my head to make sure I knew how to respond in every situation. Because of these fears I spent most of my time at home and became very introverted.
This introversion really bothered me and cut down my courage and self-esteem to nothing. It was just easier for me to spend my time alone because I knew I could handle that. The spring of my junior year in high school was when my fears really got the best of me, I went on a band/choir trip to NYC. Sounds fun right? False, remember all those fears: crowds, large spaces, tight spaces, new people, loud noises, face paces. New York was the absolute last place I wanted to be. For five days straight I was stuck in the hugest anxiety attack of my life, I completely shut down socially. But this experience made me realize something was undoubtedly wrong, there was no way I could live like this for another year.
All of this began to change the summer before my senior year of high school. My cousin, sort of out of the blue, invited me to a TEC (teens encounter Christ). I had no idea what it was, I knew it would be 5 hours away from home and I wouldn’t know anyone there. I was afraid to go, so I told her I didn’t want to go. She asked again and again, and the third time I thought about it, prayed about it and had this strange feeling. I wanted to go. So, to keep this short, I went to the TEC, faced my fears of all things new, learned a lot, cried a lot, and loved a lot. God showed me his love through all of these people I hadn’t ever seen before. It was the coolest thing, these people barely knew my name but they loved me, I hadn’t ever felt that before. It wasn’t until that TEC when I truly experienced God’s love.
Near the end of the TEC, we got into our small groups to prayer over each other. When it was my turn I tried to explain what brought me to TEC but I couldn’t stop crying. There was just too much love there, more love than I had ever felt before. That moment really confirmed to me that this life I was going to start with Christ was going to be the best decision I ever made.
After I accepted Christ into my life and learned to trust him, I realized I could do anything. I was almost immediately not afraid of anything anymore. Before I received Christ I knew I should go to college but I actually couldn’t see myself doing something so new like that on my own. Now I don’t know how I could live with all of those fears holding me down. I learned to trust God and now I can do almost anything.
Since that TEC I have had the courage to try so many new things. Most of them seem like nothing to the world, but for me they are huge steps towards completely giving my life over to God.
My fears do not control me anymore. I do not feel the need to control the situation because I have faith, I trust that God always has my back. As long as I’m listening to him I am doing the right thing.
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