Samantha’s Story

Since I was brought up in a Christian home, I remember going to church on Sundays feeling like it was a chore. To me it was just some feat I had to accomplish in order to be a good person. Then, as I grew up, I took on that label of the “good kid,” and I embraced it because it brought me attention from others. By middle school, this label that I’d placed on myself soon turned into a huge pride monster.

My life at this point revolved around what people thought of me. As long as I was accepted and liked by others, I was content. Acceptance from my friends especially was huge. I spent a lot of my time trying to impress people around me and live up to the label placed on me.

God obviously wanted me to see my true identity in Him because sometime between junior high and high school something got me thinking about who I really was and what my purpose was in living. I realized that I didn’t know who I truly was, and I struggled coming up with an answer because my identity was hidden underneath the facade I had covered myself with in order to impress other people.

As I think back, I notice that Christ’s transformation of my heart was a long-term process, but if I had to pin-point it to one specific time it would be the summer between junior high and high school. That summer, I attended the Bible camp that I’d been going to since I was little, but this time turned out differently. This summer it clicked. The purpose and identity that I’d been searching for, I finally saw in Jesus. There wasn’t a specific moment that I welcomed Christ into my heart, but I just distinctly remember telling myself that this was for real, that Jesus has a legit purpose for my life, and I wasn’t going to let my spiritual high die down this year.

When I received Christ, my attitude took a huge 360. God opened my heart to realize that who I was isn’t determined by what people say about me, but by who He says I am. Though it was a process, I slowly let go of the need of acceptance I had so desperately held onto before. As I entered high school, I tried to remain focused on living for the will of God rather than for the will of people. This was and is still a continuous challenge, but just realizing that God had a plan for me was something completely new that I thoroughly enjoyed and still enjoy experiencing.

I’d love to say that I am completely motivated by God’s view of me, but I know that wouldn’t be completely true because it definitely still is something I struggle with every day. I oftentimes am convicted of justifying my identity through others’ perceptions of me. Also, through Christ’s transformation of me, my motivation for doing good works has been stemming more and more from living in thanksgiving to Christ for what He’s done for me. Of course I fall short in this more than I’d like to admit, and I let the pride that had dominated me in my past creep back in. It’s something that I’m constantly aware of and that the Holy Spirit is continuing to work on in me.

Today, I’m at the point where God is continuing to reveal to me my true identity in Him, and even though I fall short and go back to my old ways, He’s always there to remind me of His awesome plan for me.