Rachel’s Story

Before I received Christ, I lived my life striving for the approval of others. Constantly seeking to be the center of attention, whether from my family or my peers, I wanted to be liked and praised, and if I failed to do so, I had a really hard time forgiving myself. I thrived on compliments.  I was full of pride, discontentment, and vanity.

My security and happiness came from my relationships with people. Up until 7th grade, the friends I hung out with didn’t treat me very well, but I still would have done anything for their approval. They were “cool”. I never stood up for myself, and instead let them pick on me all they wanted. Although I felt unhappy, I thought that as long as I held that position in the group, they’d still want to hang out with me.

It wasn’t until part way through 7th grade that I came to my senses and realized that my “friends” weren’t really friends. I met a girl in industrial tech class (hee hee) who loved Jesus, and even though I previously did as well, something finally clicked. About the same time, I began going to youth group at my church and through it, the Lord changed my heart and my life. First, I realized that real relationships revolved around love, but then, I realized that human relationships would never satisfy me.

Initially, I received Christ as a second grader in my Sunday school class. My teacher was telling us about the love of Jesus and asked if anyone wanted to have a personal relationship with him. I raised my hand, we prayed together, and I received Christ. Being raised in a Christian home, I had first heard about Christ’s love as a pre-schooler, but I would say that the actual turning point in my life (where I really came to an understanding of Christ’s love and forgiveness and began striving to live for him) was when I began seeking new friends and attending youth group in 7th grade.

Before I recommitted my life to Christ, I was completely conforming to the powers of this world. Doing everything to fit in and please someone, being engulfed by the vanity of this society, and constantly seeking attention and compliments.  Life was always about me.  When I began to learn more about Jesus, he began to turn my life around. Finally, every day was not just one to get through without making a fool of myself, but became about serving others and loving them with Christ’s love. My fulfillment started coming less and less from human relationships, and became more and more reliant on the Lord.

Since then, I still suck just as bad as ever. I fail miserably at loving Jesus and others the way that I long to. But now I know that Jesus still loves me, and that my life is not about me anyway. It’s about Christ.

After my turning point in 7th grade, I began seeking Jesus with my life. Rather than trying to fit in and be super cool, I began writing friends encouraging notes with Bible verses before their sports games. Instead of stupid magazines, I began reading my Bible each day because I wanted to learn more. I began inviting my old friends who I’d harbored resentment against to come to youth group with me. I began telling friends and teammates about the Gospel and how badly Jesus desires to have a relationship with us. Jesus began opening my eyes up to how desperately myself and others need him.

All throughout high school and through many life experiences, Jesus has continued to capture my heart and has caused me to fall more and more in love with him, and I have learned to become more and more reliant on his grace and mercy. Whether it was struggles with vanity and body image, or finding fulfillment in earthly acknowledgment and approval, the struggles still came, but I had Jesus to cry out to and his love never fails.

Now, I am motivated to love others. In the Bible, Jesus says we must love God and love each other. I’ve gone on several missions trips over the past few years, and each time, the Lord has opened my eyes up to the need of this world to experience Christ and his truth.

Last summer, I had an experience that the Lord used to change my heart immensely. The doctor found a tumor on my lower back. It was a type of skin cancer that grows under the skin, but was showing characteristics of two main types. In one, the cancer tended to be confined to the tissue right around the tumor, but in the other, the info said chemo and radiation would need to happen, and there was only a three year life expectancy… and I’d had this bump for a couple years. Upon hearing this news, I went home and cried. Amazingly though, I was not too afraid. I felt a rush of peace that could only have come from Jesus. I was scheduled for surgery, the main goal of the which was to remove tissue and hopefully get out all the cancer cells. In the meantime, I had a week or two to wait for results. Also in the meantime, I was on prayer chains for at least three churches in my hometown, and people I didn’t even know were fasting and praying for me.

As I waited, I did a lot of thinking and praying and reading my Bible and realized this: Life on earth is very short. Who am I living for? Jesus used this time in my life to show me what is important in this life: serving him and showing him to others. Christ put in me a joy for life that could only come from himself, and I am no longer motivated or satisfied by earthly relationships, but only by Jesus Christ. I now long to serve and follow him and him alone. The results of my surgery were that the cancer was gone. I am confident that it is because of prayer, because the doctor said that if I hadn’t gotten the surgery when I did, I pretty much would’ve been screwed because the cancer cells were beginning to multiply and spread like crazy.

I now believe that Jesus has placed us on this earth with a purpose in mind, to love, serve, and reconcile people to him, and that we should not neglect that, but embrace it and embrace the passions he’s put in our hearts.

I no longer want to leave a legacy for myself or “figure out who I am”.

I am a child of God, and I want only Jesus to be remembered.