Michael’s Story

I grew up in a home where we went to church and Sunday school every Sunday. I went only because I had to. I remember at the age of five asking Christ to be a part of my life, but really didn’t know what that meant at all. I lived a life through middle school and high school that was all about me. What could I do for attention, what would make people like me more, how could I be the best. I didn’t care about God at all I just cared about myself and wanting to be better at everyone. I tried to earn praise from my teachers, coaches, and parents. When I didn’t receive them, I thought I had failed and that I wasn’t good enough. I lived to be accepted by others and based my worth on the number of friends I had. In high school, I got into a relationship that was by no means honoring to God.  I kept telling myself that I wasn’t doing the worst of things like others, so therefore it wasn’t a sin. As this continued on through all of high school I lost friends and felt alone.

I came to college with a couple of high school friends and started to get involved with drinking. Not only that, but I left my current relationship to pursue a more physical relationship. At the same time I was involved with CRU (my brother got me involved in the sound team). I was living two different lives.  The outer appearance as a Christian on Tuesday nights and the non-christian who didn’t care about anything. I felt like I was all alone.  My friends from high school felt like surface friendships, I couldn’t trust anyone, and I had an empty feeling inside of me. I looked to fill this emptiness with friendships and drinking but never came anywhere close.  I broke down and just wanted something, anything to fill it, to know that I was wanted, to know that I had a reason for life, to know that someone was there for me.

After about a month of all this, there was an event through CRU called Fallapalooza. I didn’t want to go, since it was opening pheasant season, but one of my CRU friends talked me into it. While at fallapalooza the speaker asked everyone in the room who wanted to give their life completely to God to stand up. I felt like this was the last thing to try to fill my emptiness, yet I had tried everything else.

Now I really wanted to stand up, but I was thinking I was going to be the only person in the room to do so. “Who on earth would want to do this?” was going through my mind. So when he asked them to stand up I opened my eyes to see if there was anyone else that was standing. The amazing thing was that everyone in the room was standing and I was like “yes, I want this God”.

After Fallapalooza, I was filled with joy and wanted to tell everyone about what happened. I was excited to go the CRU meeting and to hang out with my new friends. The relationships that I built with fellow Christian men were no longer surface friendships but deep ones. I knew I could trust telling them anything. I still face struggles from my past that I can’t change (that took me awhile to even forgive myself for what I had done). I realized that God forgave and forgot about my confessed sin, that I no longer had to live up to a standard of being the best, for through God’s eyes I was perfect for His plan for me.

I am no longer motivated to be the best, to have the most friends, to receive praise from others. What motivates me now is that what I am doing is all for the glory of God–that He is the one that says to me “You are the best” and “I will always be there for you”. My life looks completely different from three years ago.  It has nothing to do with me, but has everything to do with God.