Kurt’s Story

This is one of those times when it may not seem like a hard thing to do, but this is the first time I’ve really decided to actually open up about what I’ve done in my life that’s led me to God. (So basically this is really hard for me.) One thing I have learned through the people I’ve met is that confession is good for the soul, and as Christians we need to accept what we’ve done and repent of our sins.

I remember in third grade was when I accepted Christ into my heart. My friend and I were having a sleep over and he helped me accept Christ. Honestly I had no idea, though, what had happened. I knew who Jesus was and what he had done, and how he died on the cross for our sins. But I really didn’t know what that meant for me. I attended church regularly with my family; went to Sunday school and all that stuff. I considered myself a Christian but was never really connected with God in any sort of way.

I went on like this all through elementary and junior high. I was a Christian but not following God. In essence I wasn’t really a Christian I guess. During my junior high years, my family went through a big change had it’s own problems. At one point my father had an affair with another woman. I can still remember that day so well. My mom was obviously crushed and my dad was in constant sorrow and grief over what he had done. When he told my sister and me what he had done, my sister ran off to her room crying. I had a couple tears, but I was naive and really didn’t know what to feel and how to act. After a couple of hard years my parents were able to keep their marriage and are very happy know. I now understand what my dad had done, and I am grateful for his devotion to keep my mom and him together. Although this was a hard struggle, it made them stronger (and I’m eluding to how wonderful they are later).

Anyway, I got into high school and still really hadn’t found God. I was really lost. My sister actually helped me get back on track and got me back to church. I started getting involved with youth group a lot and was attending all the events we had going on. I began to worship God with others and it was a great time. However I still hadn’t found what it was God wanted from me. At the time, I thought I was going along with God’s plan, but now I know I was just “goin’ with the flow” of what everyone else was doing.

As I continued through high school I started to change physically and mentally. I began to interact with people more (I used to be really shy). I would hang out after school with friends and really started to branch out. I was having a good time.  I was perceived as a quiet, simple, and good-natured guy. Didn’t do anything wrong and always followed rules. But I was actually breaking some rules and those were the rules that God had laid out.

This is one of those things that is hard to confess because of 1) how embarrassing it is and 2) it made me feel scared of being criticized. To sum it up though and just to get to the point, I have had a struggle with purity. It was something that I let take over my life. I had no idea what was going on, but it was something that I would not just stop. I got to a point in my life where I was confused with why I was doing this. It made me feel like crap and an idiot. I was so ashamed. I kept asking God for forgiveness but I was taking advantage of God. I was so disgusted with myself.

Throughout this whole entire struggle though, God never gave up on me. He was always there for me. I couldn’t comprehend why he stayed with me. It made no sense. But that’s why he’s so great. He wasn’t happy that I was sinning, but he still stayed with me and forgave me.

The summer of 2009 came and it was going to be a big summer. Both my brother and sister were getting married. I got to be a part of both weddings and it was fantastic. My brother had his wedding in Iowa, and we stayed at my grandparents home while we were there. Anyway, every summer as a kid I would get to come to visit my grandparents in Iowa for about two weeks. And every time I had to leave I was sad. But as my dad and I were leaving after the wedding something came over me. Not once as a child did I cry about having to leave my grandparents home, but when my dad asked me how I was feeling as we drove off I started to crying my eyes out. I was so happy that I couldn’t contain myself. My family was growing quicker than I could think. It felt so good. At that point I felt like I needed to get my life in order.

Getting back home was a wonderful feeling but getting back to school felt even better. I had been to Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) in the past couple years but I never took the time to go and meet new people. But this year, the very first night I went, I met so many new people.  That night God introduced a couple of guys to me that really made me feel at home. They opened up their lives to me and showed me the compassion that God had given them. Meeting them was probably one of the turning points in my life.

Over Christmas break, I had a bit of a struggle with what I was doing. I let Satan take control of my life for a little. HOWEVER, as school was getting closer and closer, I began to desire the love God had given me more and more. I wanted to be closer to God and wanted to get to know him more. And when I got back to Cru, I felt back at home again. God overcame me with his love, and now I am doing all I can to learn more about God’s grace and his unending love for us.

So now I say this. Cru has been the best influence on my life hands-down. I couldn’t be happier with all the people I’ve met and gotten to know. I thank you all for your kindness and comfort that you showed me. I love you all.

God bless you,
Kurt