Kelly’s Story

Growing up I was always a very quiet kid. In fact when I first started school I was so quiet that my teachers thought I wasn’t talking because of a speech impediment. This of course made me an easy target for other kids to pick on. The teasing got so bad that I would come home crying everyday and one of those days I told my mom I didn’t want to live anymore. I struggled with suicidal thoughts, but thankfully never acted on them. Eventually I was telling her everyday and all before the third grade.

Concerned, my parents suggested I go see a therapist. I refused because I thought that going to therapist would tell people that I was insane or something and I didn’t want to give kids anymore reasons to make fun of me. I didn’t go and my depression continued. Things escalated when my parents got into one of the worst fights I have seen to this day. It started off as nothing until the argument became about me. I still remember my mother pointing at me and telling my father, “You’re daughter doesn’t want to live!” After that I finally agreed to go into therapy.

Therapy went well for the short period of time. But what I’ve said in recent years, it was able to heal my mind but not my heart. I was fine up until middle school. I felt like I was starting over and most of the friends I had were a grade or two older than me. I remember the very first day of school sitting, by myself, at one of the lunch tables. I became overwhelmed with intense loneliness. Even when I did find a group of friends I felt like I had no one.

While I was suffering on the inside I hid from my families and friends. I didn’t want to put my family through anymore pain and I didn’t want to scare away my friends. That’s why in eighth grade I started dealing with pain by harming myself with sewing pins and needles. This was only for a short period but it was enough to feel like I had hit rock bottom.

That same year I went to a church retreat in Detroit Lakes called Castaway. I mainly went because a couple friends of mine were going and I thought it might be fun. It ended up being so much more than fun. There I became so overwhelmed by God’s present and for the first time I felt so complete. I didn’t feel alone anymore. After that my life completely change and went on an amazing adventure. I continued to go on retreats and since graduating high school have joined the ministry that ran the camp. My faith had grown and it has become evident in my personality. I use to be shy and quiet, now I am outgoing and full of joy.

Before I found God I didn’t want to live, and now that I have Him I have never enjoyed living so much. And I will never feel alone again.