John’s Story

Gaining the world and selling my soul.

Life before Christ was a pursuit of the American Dream. I didn’t think twice about pursuing a life of comfort and success. I was a good person; I went to church each week and was nice to everyone around me. Our God is merciful, and I couldn’t imagine him condemning a person like me. I made a solid effort to be a good quality person, especially around others.

Before I received Christ, I was 100% focused on an image, an identity. I had constructed an ideal man in my head and was set on becoming him. I was doing a pretty good job too. I was liked by others, successful in school, financially sound, and I had a cute picture perfect relationship with my girlfriend. I idolized everything I had, especially the relationship.

After attending a friend’s wedding, God started tightening a vice grip around my heart. Hours after the reception, God drained all the peace and comfort I had with my position in life. None of my accomplishments gave me satisfaction. I changed the only thing I could think of, the girl. I ended the relationship and started looking for a new girl, because my ideal man was supposed to be in a relationship. After two flops of dating experiences and still not understanding what was happening, God broke me open and exposed every raw sin in my life. I saw what I was.

During my life, especially during college, I justified my sins by mocking the man I was now begging to save my life. I verbally claimed to be his follower. I called myself a Christian to uphold my identity as a “good person.” Yet by not letting him take my guilt, by not developing a hatred for sin, and by not letting him enter into my life, I spit in the face of the man who was scourged and hung on the cross for me. I felt like the vilest sinner on the planet. Who could want someone such as me? I had given my entire life to worldliness. Worse yet, I had sins on my conscience I felt were unspeakable.

I was burdened for over a month; not feeling worthy of God’s forgiveness through Christ. After all the agony and pain of knowing forgiveness existed but not having it, I caved. On October 9th I told Jesus that I couldn’t do it anymore. I told him I was unworthy. I needed him desperately to strip me of my guilt and shame. I could no longer bear the emptiness. I was perishing without him and my world was shattering around me. I needed a hope…

This is from Proverbs, but it’s the story of my life: “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord’—and you forgave the guilt of my sin.”

When I received Christ, my happiness was no longer rooted in anything from this world. All of my previous desires faded. Things like fulfillment from relationships or pursuing a worldly identity had zero worth. I was a different person. The Bible proclaims, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”

My foremost desire is now to glorify God. I feel very blessed that I have come to have a very personal relationship with him. I am so grateful that he would draw me from the depths; I want only to do his will. If you’re reading this and pondering thoughts about his love for you and how real your relationship can actually be with him, I want you to know that I’ve been praying for you to contact me for a long time. May God bless you and shower you in his never ending love!

John Farris