Ashley’s Story

When I was young, I prayed that Jesus would come into my life, forgive me of my sins, and give me eternal life with him. At that moment, as it says in Psalm 124, I had “escaped like a bird out of the fowler’s snare”. Jesus freed me from the snare of my sin, and gave me the Holy Spirit, my wings to fly with him. But I didn’t live like it. I lived in the cage of my comfort zone, paralyzed by perfectionism, fear of failure, and a desperate dependence on the approval of other people. I gained happiness and security from my friends, and especially a boyfriend. Putting my hope in other people’s opinions of me made me miserable, because it kept me from meeting new people, trying new things, and from being the person I was created to be. And ultimately it was a false hope because I could never please everyone, and nobody could love me in the complete way I desired to be loved.

Then I went to a conference over New Year’s, and they talked about surrendering control of your life to Christ, to be all in with him. They asked us to picture ourselves on a beach, with Jesus up ahead, calling our names for us to follow Him. I found myself praying “Lord, I can’t do it. I’m not brave enough or strong enough to let go of all I’m clinging to. I want to follow you, but I just don’t have what it takes and I’m so sorry”. I felt like if I was really on the beach, Jesus would have walked away, shaking his head sadly. But the picture of the beach scene popped back into my head and something very different happened. Jesus came back for me and grabbed my hand. God used that image to show me I would never be enough, and I didn’t have to be. He had already made the way for me in Christ, and he would be right with me in each step of my journey, holding my hand.

Three weeks after I gave Christ control, my boyfriend broke up with me. It was hard, but Christ surrounded me with his unfailing love and taught me how to depend on him. Through Christ’s power at work in me, I’ve been able to face my fears and step outside the cage of my comfort zone. It’s here that I’ve experienced God’s love, his people, and growth in my relationship with Jesus like I never thought was possible. It’s a process and a journey, and I still struggle to let God have control in my day to day, but it’s okay. I’m not perfect, but Christ has taken care of my inadequacies and can even use them to demonstrate his power in my life. I am free to fly in him. And Psalm 139 guarantees that “if I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there [his] hand will guide me, [his] right hand will hold me fast.”