Amanda’s Story

At the age of five it seemed like a natural step to me to pray and ask Jesus into my heart. I have parents who are strong Christians, who had been praying that I would someday take that step since before I was born, and so at a five day camp we were having one summer I prayed and asked God to save me. At that time I sort of knew what I was doing; I knew I wanted to go to heaven when I died and that it was something that my parents and the people around me really wanted me to do.

As I grew and matured some I learned a lot more about what my decision to follow Jesus meant. I slowly came to see that Jesus was my Savior, that I was a sinner; that my lies, my fights with my siblings, my selfish desires and jealousy all kept me from God, but that he sent his son Jesus to die on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins, and that I had done all I needed to do to be saved by him when I had prayed and asked him to come into my heart and take my sins away.

I also learned more about making my relationship with Jesus personal. I started reading the bible and spent time talking to God and learned to really worship him. My faith became more my own, not my parents’ or my friends’ faith; it began to have personal meaning to me.

Throughout high school there were a lot of things that I felt were expected of me and I did a lot of trying to please people and measure up to their expectations. I worked to get A’s, to be a great violin player, to be a good daughter, to have lots of friends, but I never felt like I really got there, like I was good enough. There was always a “you could have done better here, why did you get that grade on that test… I worked so hard to please my parents and the people around me, but I never felt like I did, I could never earn that feeling of love and approval that I sought.

But not long after I graduated I realized that I didn’t need to work to earn that love and approval, that I’d had it all along. Not only had I been working to please my parents and the people around me, but I had been working to please God and hopefully make him love me more. I went to church, and camp and on trips and tried to read my bible often, but we don’t need to work to please God, that’s why there’s grace. Grace is God’s riches that he gives to us even though we don’t deserve them. There’s nothing I can do to make God love me more, and there’s nothing I could do to make God love me less. My best is good enough for him and I don’t need to prove myself to him. I should want to love and serve him, but that doesn’t change anything about how much he loves me, or change whether or not I’m saved. In the Psalms David says, “for you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb, I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” This verse is a good reminder that I am how I am for a reason, that God made me that way, and he doesn’t make mistakes. I still strive to do well, to please and honor my parents and God, and to love others, and I still sometimes feel inadequate, but I can be content and know that no matter what I am still loved, accepted and saved.